A special announcement: this article will end with another special announcement
By day, Jay Harrison is an ordinary man, doing an extra-ordinary job, in a remarkable office, staffed by unforgettable people, working for the World’s Best Company (as voted for (following heavy bribery) by Jay Harrison and the unforgettable people he works with). But by night he becomes: The Caped Comedian.
At the age of 17 Jay’s life was transformed when he ate genetically modified mango chutney while watching old Abbott and Costello films. He woke up at 3.00 am with an urge he just could not control; an itch he could not scratch; a craving so strong he could think of only one thing; he had to find relief and he knew relief could be found in only one way: He had to be funny.
Five minutes later, Jay told his first joke- to himself. His craving was satisfied for the time being and he knew where his destiny lay: from now, his life would be dedicated to ridding Thanet of the evils of grumpiness. But first he had to learn how to control his super-power.
By day Jay wasn’t working. This is a problem for this article because it means that by day, as Jay Harrison, he wasn’t at this point in our story an ordinary man doing an extra-ordinary job. He needed to be, because we need to be able to say in this article – purely because it gives a narrative coherence to the article - that by day, as Jay Harrison, an ordinary man doing an extra-ordinary job he could never be funny or else his cover would be blown, and people, innocent people, might be harmed.
However, by night, as the Caped Comedian, he could use his super-power mercilessly and mirthfully against the forces of grumpiness. But controlling his uncontrollable urge would not be easy because it was uncontrollable.
He knew that with great power comes great responsibility (sorry that’s Spiderman). He knew he was the most powerful being on earth (oops no that’s Superman). He knew he was Bruce Wayne (Batman). Frankly, he knew very little, apart from the fact that he had to get a job so that by day he could be – and we can say he was - an ordinary man doing you know what.
And he did get a job. He became by day an ordinary man doing …something. He became Caremark Thanet’s Financial Controller. At first, just one reckless, witty monosyllabic quip from his almost infinite store of reckless, witty monosyllabic quips could reduce a co-worker to a helpless, howling, undisciplined, uncontrollable, rolling, reeling, laughter junkie. The only cure for her would be to go cold turkey while listening to re-runs of the Money Programme, first aired on Radio 4 during the financial crash.
Over-time, Jay, an ordinary… has learnt to control his super-power. He uses it now only when he becomes the Caped Comedian and only against the grumpy people. And only in Thanet.
And now a special announcement:
The Caped Comedian will be appearing as Jay Harrison at the Charity Comedy Night at Bernie’s Chocolate Bar on 30 June 2017 starting at 7.30pm. This event is sponsored by Caremerk Thanet where an ordinary man named Jay Harrison works doing an extra-ordinary job. Money raised will go to East Kent Hospital’s Dementia Appeal. Jay Harrison an... invites you to attend. Be there or you’ll be somewhere else.
Another special announcement:
This article ends with this special announcement. You’ve read the article; you’ll see the act, now, look out for the film: The Caped Comedian staring Daniel Radcliffe (in the most challenging role of his career) as the Caped Comedian in the film The Caped Comedian staring ….
Garry Costain is the Managing Director of Caremark Thanet, a domiciliary care provider with offices in Margate, Kent. Caremark Thanet provides home care services throughout the Isle of Thanet. Garry can be contacted on 01843 235910 or email email@example.com. You can also visit Caremark Thanet's website at www.caremark.co.uk/thanet.